girl without balls....

yes i blast music...i dance like crazy....im not afraid kick a guy... n im not afraid to back out from a fight...if u wanna have a try plz come... dont think u can aspect mercy from me... n by the way if all this makes u think im not a girl... sad to tell u im a girl just without balls.... u are definitely not the 1st i hit and u will never be the last...

u need to get something straight....girls might look weak, sweet, like flowers....but plz i dare u to make them explode... only then u will kno the feeling of ur balls running n hidding inside your body... TRUST ME.... JUST GIVE IT A TRY....

u guys are not superior to us.... u guys are just the same.... with the same feelings.... with the fear.... we are equal....plz try to get that in your 1gram brain....

u have no idea what's going on in my head

So yes... I had some time to think... N I have decided To put everything aside... Im just going to live in the moment... Which means I got to stop kidding myself with all this dreams... So coming back to reality... I am very disappointed to say that my heart is not as strong as it used to...

Its a surprise to me too... I thought I was strong enough... I'm in love...but yes everyone knows that... But now I'm looking at things more physical... N I realize that love has nothing to do with it... Its just different now... I wish I could open up more but that would just be mean... Its not that I love the person but its the intimacy that I miss... That few hours together... Things are so casual... Like I don't have to put out to the world....

I just have to stay me... N that we don't enjoy talking about our problems... Its just about the moment... Although it has to come to an end soon... I'm gonna try enjoy it while I can...

i just need some air....

im in desperate need of a distraction.... days are passing by and im drowning.... journals, patient write ups, presentations, case reports, follow ups and not forgetting the people that i work with.... there is no time for peace...im on the run 24 hours 7 days a week... i love the pressure but sometimes it does get under your skin.... my body is running more on caffeine then blood....

everyone seem to have something planned out for me.... from the car i should buy.... the residential area im should live in.... the place i should apply for housemanship... the ppl i should and should not talk to... not forgetting the field i should specialize in.... y cant i do things my way...

if u dont mind coming to me for advice on whats going on in your body.... y cant u trust me enough to let me make my decision for my life.... i just need my space.... some air to think.... and some peace and quiet... i cant be doing whats best for others all the time.... i got to keep myself happy too...

im caving to their needs.... when right now the only bloody thing i should be doing is satisfying  myself.... its just so frustrating at times that i end up screaming to myself.... YOUR WEAK THUVI.... some dare say that to me.... it wont take me one second to put u where your supposed to be.... but what do i get out of that... a destroyed relationship...wow what a big achievement...

sometimes i wish i could be my old self... let my hands talk rather than my mouth... but then again i get stuck in another dillema.... some ppl think its easy being me.... that im care free enough to let u step me on my head.... that im nice enough to take all the crap you throw at me.... not to be rude but im the least person u wanna mess with.... its a gift to walk away from a fight.... n im not stupid enough to fight n make a scene... one day u will know how is it to be me... as u all always come back to me n say THUVI U WERE RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING, I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED...

One voice ppl...One voice

Malaysia is in trouble, and everyone has something to say about it. But the fact is, we indians who are supposed to stand together and fight. Prefer fighting ourselves. When i was young, i never knew that indians were divided into so many different groups. My dad only showed me the different religion, which was Malays, Chinese and Christians. He never had much to say about religion. But one thing he thought was when your born into a religion, don't betray them and convert. Your born as a HINDU, then die as a HINDU. But then i entered secondary school and I was surprised that certain group of indians would refuse to talk to another certain group of indians. that was the 1st time in my life I knew what those groups were. Malyalam, Telugu, Punjabi, Celonese, Tamils and so on la. Everyone had something nasty to say about the other, which i really don't understand we all came from the same forefathers. Just because we ended up in different geographical area that does not make us different. As this division was not enough. When i started my university life, i found out there is something called LINE. The only line i knew, was the one I drew on a papers. Many indians boys (normally called line-ne kareh) have wasted their life's fighting for this stupid thing called their LINE. Not forgetting the whore's of those gangs (I only knew few weeks back that girls can be a member in a gang).  Never in my life my heart aches so badly, beautiful girls who are fucking dumb to join their friend in this gang, and give free bangs to all the guys who have worked so hard to kill another hindu in another gang. Fantastic right? Plus there are so many of them. I think if u just threw any random number on the ground it will be a gang's number. When we all are so divided in our own selfish path, how do you aspect the nation not to calls us the minority. We cant change the world, when we have not even changed ourselves. So many talk about being racist and crap. Touch your heart and say if your a Telugu and your to give a job to a candidate, which candidate would you choose A) another telugu B) a tamilian. For sure another Telugu because you might be brought up to think your better than another hindu as long his not a Telugu. Reformasi should not only be done for the country, we should start with our divided Hindu's 1st. If u format them, I'm sure the country is no big issue.

my love letter to my dearest oppa....

7 years back...
the 1st tym i saw u...u made my heart skip a beat...u were not that attractive but u were like a magnet to me...sumthing about u that i had to kno...so mysterious to my eye...i could talk to any guy i want, if i wanted to...but everytym i got the courage to talk to u, my legs went numb and my throat became dry...everytym u walked pass my class, i would gaze away thinking that one day u might notice me...i guess i was lucky...few weeks n i got my 1st call from u...i hv watched ur from far for so long that i kno ur a quiet person...u rarely talk unless needed...but then the minute i got that call from u...i knew i was wrong...u are so good with ur words n timing that everything u said made me laugh...never once i was sad while talking to u...i still remember our timetable...wake up, school, home, phone...until 4pm...we hv spoke so much, i can barely remember wat was the topic of all our conversation....but sumhow juz thinking about it makes me so happy....well like all couples we had our ups n downs....we both made mistakes....well we were 15 wat did u aspect...but now that life has thought us so much...i realized that i rather lose everyone in this world, just to be with u...u make me perfect...

our 1st date....
do u remember that day....well i will never forget it....we watched COVENANT in Times Square....we din do much...we juz walked holding hands n thts about it...but i was practically freaking out...i think u kno y...it was our 1st kiss....the 1st time i kissed a boy....no idea how to react....i juz sat n watched the movie like a statue....u surprised so badly that my hands were numb n cold....i still remember jumping like a clown n telling my cousin how awesome my date was....

our 1st stay over....
i totally din kno how to act...should i act like a fren?? girlfriend?? wife?? i was totally confused...eventhough the house was noisy...i remember u voice well...u dashed out when i was hungry...hugged me when i was a sleep...i came to pujuk me when i was angry....thank u for being there baby....

our 1st honey moon in bali....
it was an interesting one...u shook my hands in the airport, when ur supposed to hug me....i guess u were not prepared for the crowd...but anyway i hugged u, so its ok....bring u back home on the bike was awesome....u were like a small kid....so excited to see that there were so many bikes on the road....n the stupid jam...i miss that ride....i miss drinking with u....i was out so much that i barely remembered my house....cooking with u....going to the market....not forgetting all the events in between...it was pure magic for 21 days....when u were about to leave bali....i remember how icried my eyes out for 3 days straight...as if i had a hole in my heart that would not close...it sucked in all my happiness like a black hole...

our 1st candle light dinner....
a table n chair on the beach...watching the waves n eating seafood under the moon light....one of the most romantic day of my life....it was our anniversary...u knew i hate fish....so u made sure u gave me all the fleshy part without the bone...

our 1st vacation to genting....
one whole day of fun....drinks everywhere....ur body heat kept me warm the whole tym....i miss the cold breeze...

our 1st accident....
lets not talk about it....i thought we would hv died....but anyway we survived....thats gud enough

i kno ur wondering my did i write this love letter to u....well, its because...after this there will be many 2nd events....HAPPY 2nd year anniversary baby....Oppa, i love u n i will always love u no matter how old n ugly u become...hehehe...ur the love of my life....n u will always remain that way...thank u for always being there for me...even when we were juz frenz...im perfect bcoz im with u....kure mukke....

things that have change in my life...

1. i believe in true love
2. i realized im way more similar to my mum
3. im about to leave my theory years in med skol
4. i have 2 families that love me more than i deserve
5. i have a tattoo of my bf's name
6. im getting fatter
7. im done with piercing
8. have a man who would die / kill for me
9. my mum is turning into my fren
10. and im madly in love...

a change is needed...n he is there for me

whoever daringly made that line a lyric of a song???

y do everyone wan a man like ram and a wife like sita???

seriously, thats gonna be boring...

guys should hv their notty side...and so do gurls...

its about whether u kno how to control urself...

its tym for me to let go of the stupid habit i learned...

n to accompany me my ram is doin the same...

i hate it when a guy i love changes for me...

he sounds like a slave...

but then no matter how many times i tel him to do things his way...

he insists in knowing how would i do it...

deciding to quit this habit came easy to me...

but for him, i seriously dont kno...

no matter for who he wants to change...

im gonna support him, juz the way he is gonna bug my life if i think about this stinking habit again...

and since now its kindda official in his house...

i would be rubbing on my last piece of luck if i dont stop now...

i had my fun...tym to be a gud gurl now...

LUV U Mr. Kurre Mukke